we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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