she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
