What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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