"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
