Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
