Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
