listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
