I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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