so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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