wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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