airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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