And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
