I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
