i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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