Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
