the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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