Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
