I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
