Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
