i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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