Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
