just tell him i said nine months
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
