Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
