The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
