Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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