either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
