she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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