If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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