I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
