I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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