I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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