he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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