so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
