Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
