I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
