**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
