and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
