I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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