so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
