this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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