I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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