I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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