you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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