and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
