If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
