How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
