I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
