The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
