I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
