WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
